I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
