i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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