saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
