Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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