Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
