Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
