I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
