i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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