i think i have herpe
just one?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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