you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
