all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
