i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
