well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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