I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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