I heard we made out
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
