Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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