Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
