i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
