You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
