had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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