Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
