I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
