Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
