I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
