Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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