that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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