Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We are all done wearing pants today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
