To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
being pregnant is like rehab
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
