Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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