singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
