and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
