And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
