my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
