i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
