either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
