Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
