Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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