If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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