K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
