My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
