I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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