I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
