Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
