We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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