I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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