Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
