well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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