I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
