i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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