why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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