I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
