i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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