oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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